pilates/yoga background vocals

so there i was... in pain, in utter embarrassment, in disbelief. why was i there? why was i allowing someone to tell me how to twist my body in ways it was never intended to twist? was this a modern day twister game for adults? why does everyone else say this is so great and why does no one else look like they're about to die from sheer pain and discomfort.

i went to a yoga/pilates class today.

i even went to target and bought a yoga mat. as if i even knew what one looked like. i asked someone and they took me on a tour of the yoga aisle. i picked out the cheapest one and headed to the check out counter. i felt so cool. until i actually went to the class.

one of the worst decisions of my life. i've always liked the idea of yoga. it's alot like running. i so long to run but i can't and it just plain hurts. in fact, i don't run unless i'm being chased. so i decided, well maybe i'll try yoga. how hard can it really be? sure, i can't touch my toes, but oh well! i'll probably be good at it.

no, i'm horrible. i was the worst in the class. for the betterment of everyone's life, the instructor should've kicked me out. not only did i look like an awkward ape trapped in a tennis ball, but my face winced in pain with each new position. down dog? really? more like ouch dog. more like "where is the basketball court? why am i trying to touch my nose to my heels?" 

then she asked us to do a back bend. ya right. i elected not to tell her that i was basically asked to leave gymnastics when i was younger because i was the only kid in the class that couldn't master the back bend. all the memories came rushing back. my eyes welled up with tears. not because of the awful memories, but because literally my hamstrings were revolting against me. i was the only one who didn't try the backbend. and i had no shame. i wasn't scared. i was born to look silly like this. i happened to like offering a spectacle for all to look at. the other people in the class were slightly entertained. 

it reminded me of when i was forced to take a ballet class in college. mandatory attire: leotard. i'm not kidding. it was humiliating. i almost failed.

so then, just when i thought it couldn't get any worse, the instructor started singing along with the music. i've had instructors do this before, but typically only one word would slip out and usually they were on  key. not this gal. nope. couldn't carry a tune in a coach purse with a hypoallergenic dog in it. and she was singing and didn't stop. then on the 3rd song she actually tried harmonizing with the track. she knew no shame. i realized we weren't that different. there i was trying to be a yoga expert and there she was trying to sing. it was a perfect picture of how fun it is to try new things. but it was painful to listen to. and needless to say, i'm sure i was painful to look at. she's probably blogging about me right now. who knows!

but it was a blast. well, by that i mean, the "blast" part was when i got home and threw my brand new yoga mat in the trash can. good thing trash day is tomorrow. 

yoga = not fun for me

but i just might persevere because i know flexibility is important. and i still love the idea of being a yoga girl. here's to you, background vocal singing yoga instructor! maybe i'll come back to your class. also, i might just hire you to sing bgv's for me. only if you let me shadow your class someday. it could be a match made in heaven.

nursing home conundrums

so there i was sitting at my computer when i received a fairly humbling email.

but you need the background info before i start on my tirade. 

one of my best friends in the entire world is my granny who lives in lubbock. granny has alzheimers but is the happiest and sweetest most divinely proper woman i've ever known. i rarely get to see her because lubbock is so far away and i travel alot. but i think about her often and love her dearly. though granny doesn't remember much, she always remembers my music. she loves listening to the tapes that my granddad herbie has made her from my cds. i always thought about how awesome it would be if someone would visit her and just sing to her. she loves when people sing to her. 

then i took that thought a step further, hmm... i bet there are plenty of sweet old ladies here in austin who might enjoy a song or two. and then in church one day i heard a verse from james that says something along the lines of pure and undefiled worship being this: visiting orphans and widows in their time of need. and, since i'm a worship leader, this was an extremely challenging verse/thought.

all this to say, i started calling around some assisted livings and nursing homes in austin to see about singing there once ever so often. i struck out alot but then i found a place that wanted me to come and sing for an hour during "special music time" at the nursing home.

it was perfect. these people were so endearing. some were bitter and mean, but most were pleasant and reminded me of granny. i was able to live vicariously through loving these people. it satisfied my desire to love on granny when i can't because i live so far away.

then two things happened that are hilarious now, but at the time very humbling.

i got an email from the guy in charge of the nursing home booking, if you will, and he fired me. yep, i got fired from a voluntary nursing home singing gig. honestly, who has been fired from a nursing home? i haven't heard of such a thing. it wounded the good ol' pride, but then i figured it was good for me. but ouch. fired from volunteer nursing home singing. say goodbye to "singing the hits and hymns with lindsey" afternoon once a month. it was over. i was sad. when i asked why, why was i cut from the roster, so to speak, they answered me with this ironic statement: "The residents couldn't hear you." i don't know if that makes anyone else smirk or not, but i found it hilarious that i got fired because they couldn't hear me. did i mention that i brought an amp and microphone? i had amplification, yet i still could not be heard. thus, i was told they wouldn't be needing me anymore. double ouch. my question though: if they can't hear me, who can they hear? oh well. suffice it to say that maybe if i looked really sweet like the red head in the photo above, i might not have been kicked off the island. 

and then two weeks later, i was asked to sing at another nursing home in town, and on the day of that event, i called them to make sure everything was in order and they said, "Oh sorry, we forgot to tell you but we won't be needing you today. We double booked with Larry the piano puppet guy. We'll call you."

they never called. really? really? i got knocked out by piano puppet man? 

thrice ouch. larry, i wish you the best of luck.

gee wiz, good thing i've got other gigs that keep me afloat, otherwise i would be toast. so i've basically struck out of most opportunities to love on the elderly through my singing abilities. but, lo and behold, there is one assisted living place in austin that i get to sing at once a month. and it's definitely one of the highlights of my month. these people are so adorable and cute, and last week, they actually applauded as i walked in the cafeteria. i think i'm making head way. 

if you're reading this, you should totally just go visit a nursing home/assisted living place close to you. just go in and talk to people or better yet, listen to them. they're inspiring and fascinating people who have lived real lives. 

the following blog was sponsored by AARP copyright 2008.

just kidding. 

tag fetish

this is going to be completely random and probably extremely non-applicable to your life, but because i joined the blog world, i have to blog about what i'm thinking, however random and potentially uninteresting it might be. having said that, here's what i've been thinking.

so there i was last night at a concert and i was completely distracted by a lady two rows in front of me who was doing something, unbeknownst to her, that was completely stressing me out. i know it's probably no big deal to the rest of the world, but to me, it's always been an issue.

the tag was sticking out of her shirt.

oh big deal! you might say. and i know, it's silly. kinda like the metal on metal thing. but i have this obsessive compulsive desire to go and put the tag back into the shirt, though she's clearly a stranger and would think i was nuts.

can anyone else relate? 

and then i was sitting there wondering, will someone please put the woman's tag back in her shirt. and then i though, what if i did? what would her response be? what would my response be if someone did that. i would probably say thank you.

so, yes, i've always had a thing for tags. my parents remind me that when i was little, i was obsessed with the tags on stuffed animals. i didn't really even care about the stuffed thing. i wanted the tag. i wonder what it is about a tag that is so appealing to me.

just had to share... i hear it helps to get things out. 

and i was laughing with a friend the other day about how somehow there always seems to be a  spiritual application with strange things that happen to me or go on in my brain, but not this time! nope, no spiritual application here! just another weird quirk. 

compassion international

so there i was singing at a methodist church in the woodlands last sunday. for those of you that don't know, i have the awesome opportunity of partnering with an incredibly life and world changing ministry called compassion international (releasing children from poverty in Jesus name) check out www.compassion.com for more details.

i had two minutes to share about compassion in all three morning services. in the first two services, i seemed to stumble over my words. i didn't really know exactly what to say in two minutes that would make them want to come back for the 2pm concert to learn more about compassion. i tried to tell my story but it seemed so rushed because i only had two minutes. so finally in the third service, during some silent prayer time, i finally went before the Lord and started surrendering everything. i confessed that i'd been trying to do it in my own strength... again... and i prayed and prayed that God would speak through me and bring the exact group of people that he wanted at the 2pm concert. i surrendered each of the 20 children whose packets i had brought, to Him, almost as if to imagine laying them at the foot of the cross. as i began praying for the children and reading over verses about the poor, i could see some of the faces of the children. i immediately began weeping (and i'm not a cry-er). then i started balling. and this was literally minutes before i was supposed to give the 2 minute compassion presentation. i couldn't stop crying, but i was able to stop enough to go to the front and talk about compassion. i shared from the depth of my heart about Jesus' passion for the children and how it was a possibility to end poverty. i started crying again. it was embarrassing, but in that vulnerability, it made me real to the congregation. we connected. i could feel it. then i couldn't even finish what i was saying because i started crying again so i smiled and sat down. and the tears kept coming.

sidenote: during the sermon i was looking through an old journal that i had taken with me to the Dominican Republic compassion trip in october. i found a set of lyrics i had written about the children who had so deeply touched my heart. i have been praying that God would give me a song for the children and these lyrics jumped off the page and right back into my heart where they came from initially! so i tore the page out and decided that it had to be a song. but i didn't have a melody, just lyrics. so i waited to see what God would do. more on that in a moment...

after that service, i was confident that whoever came to the concert would be the exact people who God wanted there.

right before the 2pm concert, at 1:55 i sat down at the piano (because i just couldn't wait any longer and i could literally feel this song rising up in me) with the lyrics that i had found earlier in my hand. i started playing and a full song, in its entirety started to pour out of my heart. people start showing up but i had to keep singing. in fact, i couldn't stop. for whatever reason, that sunday at exactly 1:55pm right before my concert, the Lord decided to give me the song i'd been waiting and praying for. the theme song of my heart for the children. a song for Compassion and for my own personal love for the kiddos. the song was born and i didn't even have to try. i didn't even have to work on it. the lyrics fit perfectly with whatever i started playing on the piano and whatever melody i started singing. i knew i had just been given the song that i'd so been desiring for so long, so i told the sound guy to start recording. he did. and i sang the song, for the first time as a full song, straight from God. and he recorded it! i'm going to tell you how you can hear the song in just a second.

then the concert starts and i'm on fire because i just wrote this song i'm so pumped about! and i'm about 30 minutes into the concert when i begin the official compassion presentation. i started sharing my heart with the audience. there only ended up being about 38 people there, which was less than we hoped there would be but i knew they were supposed to be there. everyone was locked in and listening. my words just start flowing and i'm telling the stories and i felt myself literally being a voice for the voiceless. a champion for the children. then (though i hadn't initially planned to) i realized that i wanted to sing the song i had just written. so i tell the audience the story of how i wrote the song literally 5 minutes before the concert started. i sat down at the piano, played the slide show of pictures and verses that i had created, and i started singing. i had volunteers ready to pass out packets and by the end of the song and slide show, all 20 packets had been passed out.

there was not a dry eye in the place, including mine. i could barely get through the song because i could see the slide show from where i was singing!

at the end of the concert i went straight back to the table. all 20 children were being sponsored by loving and excited people! people were finally getting it. they were realizing that the way to truly end poverty is to change the life of one child. one child changes a family, a family a church, a church a region, a region a country and so on and so forth. lives were being changed right there on the spot. out of the seemingly small number of people, all 20 children found mentors and friends for life! wow wow and wow. it was truly amazing how God moved. i had prayed for all 20 to get sponsored and He did exactly that, in His sovereignty and kindness.

just had to share God's glory story with you, the blog world!

on another note: i just found out that a producer in san antonio is giving me a half day of free recording. he's been asking me for months to pick a song and i couldn't think of one. then last sunday i knew, that i'm supposed to record this song. and hopefully it can go throughout the world on behalf of the children! it's called "Least of These" and i hope it blesses you as much as it has been blessing me. keep in mind, it's a very raw recording because we recorded it as i was writing it! so some more work needs to be done, but you'll get the gist of it :)

to hear the song, the only way i've figured out to send you to it is through my myspace page (because i have no idea how to insert an audio file into my blog)

so go to http://www.myspace.com/lindseykane2 and look for the song titled "Least of These". let me know your thoughts and responses. and please, if this touches you in any way, YOU TOO can sponsor and change the life of a child! just check out www.compassion.com and you'll find tons of sweet kiddos that need your help and love!