100, yes 100 things you may or may not know (or want to know) about me

so there i was on facebook and i started doing the "25 things about me" note thingee. it inspired me to go for the gold and try 100. i can't imagine thinking of 100 things to write, but the challenge got the best of me. so here we go...

1. i constantly make mouth beats and i find myself singing all throughout the day regardless of if anyone else is watching or listening. i can't help it. and when i feel awkward singing, i whistle.

2. deep down, i really want to love yoga and pilates but i can't touch my toes. 

3. i was kicked out of dance class when i was little. and gymnastics. still can't do a backbend. they are so overrated in my opinion. who needs that in real life, really? 

4. if i could hang out with any animal for a day it would be a lion. a nice one that didn't want to eat me. some day i will blog about my amazing life-changing lion dream.

5. when i got my braces off in the 7th grade, i didn't smile for a week because i was embarrassed.

6. i want to go on the oprah show. not just attend. i want to be on it.

7. pad-see-ew is my favorite thai dish in the world. i dream about it at night.

8. i was almost killed by a manatee in the ocean when i was little. and when i say killed, i mean that it looked at me wrong and i got scared.

9. i trained for a triathlon in college and got sick 1 week before i was supposed to do it.

10. mean people stress me out. though i don't show it, i'm fairly sensitive and i wish everyone would be nice to each other. words can tear me apart like you wouldn't believe. 

11. i went to counseling for 2 years in college and it saved my life. i might even go back because i love it so much. everyone should go to counseling whether they think they need it or not.

12. i am a DVR junkie. i will not miss an episode of heroes, ugly betty, 24, private practice, grey's anatomy (don't judge me), the office, the bachelor, true beauty

13. i have an alter-ego named hershalee p. suggins who is a 68 year old african-american woman who is the secretary for a church with the longest name in the world

14. one of my least favorite things is what i like to call "purse crap" - the stuff that you unavoidably get under your fingernails when you're digging in your purse for something you know is in there but you can't find it in the black abyss 

15. my life long dream is to sing in all 50 states before i die. anyone live in north dakota and need a singer? email me.

16. i dislike the overuse of exclamation points though i'm guilty of it often

17. i don't cry often, but when i do cry, it's an ugly cry

18. when i was little i stole a bible from the dentist's office and i still have no idea why. i mean really, who steals a bible?

19. the one time i actually tried to change a tire, the car ended up falling off the jack and onto my arm

20. my middle school boyfriend shaved my initials in the back of his head for valentines day. i broke up with him a week later.

21. i have no fashion sense nor do i try to pretend like i do

22. i'm a pyromaniac

23. clowns terrify me

24. there are times in my life when i doubt God's goodness and sovereignty. but i'm so thankful that my doubts don't change the fact that He is good and sovereign

25. i hate the way my jeans fit when i dry them. but then i hate how they feel when i dont dry them. it's quite the quandary.

26. 90% of the clothes i own are from target

27. i'm a size 12 (on a good day) and proud of it. one time a lady in the music industry told me she'd sign me and make me famous if i lost 30 lbs.    no thanks.

28. i regrettably killed the hamster in my middle school science class because i gave him a bath. i never told anyone. until now. sorry mrs. rodgers

29. one time in college i wrote a song for my spanish final about a famous cello player named pablo casals. my spanish teacher yelled at me in front of the whole class saying i was a disgrace to the entire hispanic community and the country of Spain. she failed me. i thought the song was really good. it was to the tune of la cucaracha.

30. i strongly dislike the use of capital letters and punctuation in my writing, as you can probably gather from all my posts

31. i have an unhealthy fear of daddy longlegs because one time at summer camp, 3 trash bags full of them were poured on me for my birthday. now when i see one i have to go through mental steps to avoid paralysis and tears

32. i can't believe you're still reading this list. and i can't believe i'm still writing things on it. how will i get to 100?

33. 33 is my favorite number, besides 7 and 22

34. i think anyone who says they have all the right answers is possibly the wrongest person in the world

35. i threw a necklace at clay walker (the country star) when i attended his concert in high school. it hit him right in the face and he stopped his song to look down at me with disgust and confusion. i was chased out of the arena by the police

36. my favorite concert/ministry experience of all time was when i performed in a high-security women's prison in anchorage, alaska

37. the first song i ever wrote was when i was 8 and the lyrics were "how do i become a christian? how do i open my heart and let Him in? how do i become a christian? i just open my heart. and He'll come in." a week later i wrote a rap song about being the first white female 8 yr old rapper. my name would be "lil kane" and i would have a grill - i digress

38. it kills me when people judge me based on what they think they know about me

39. i went to a snoop dog concert many many years ago and dressed up in full-on ghetto garb. i immediately regretted that decision as soon as i walked into the venue. i was sure i would get jumped but luckily i made it out alive

40. when i was in high school, i wouldn't allow myself to go in for dinner until i had shot 50 free throws in a row

41. my goal in life is to make every single person who comes across my path feel special and know that they are loved by me and God. without condition. without an agenda.

42. i dream about what it would be like if we got back to matthew 25 christianity: when Jesus says "i was hungry and you gave me something to eat. i was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. when i was naked, you clothed me. i was in prison and you came to visit me. what you have done to the least of these, you have done to Me."

43. when i finally went to the doctor at age 21 to get tested for ADHD, he stared at me from above his glasses and said "this is the most severe case of undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD i've ever seen in 30 years of practicing" 

44. i chew the pulp in my orange juice before i swallow. i've recently been informed that i chew ice cream as well.

45. my life changed when i was on a mountain top in missouri and i audibly heard God say "it's not your fault" - that set me free from guilt i'd been carrying for about a year. long story, i can't go into, but maybe someday i'll blog about that experience.

46. the other time i heard God audibly speak to me was when i was in the bathroom of a Luby's and i heard "I'm going to use you in a powerful way" i looked around the see who was talking to me. the restroom was unoccupied. 

47. i would rather be cold than hot any day. a beautiful day to me is a clear cool 50 degree day. i get grumpy when i'm hot.

48. i am obsessed with punctuality. i strive to always be on time. if you're 5 minutes early you're on time. if you're on time, you're late.

49. i hate when i put lotion on my hands and then can't turn off my bedside lamp to go to sleep

50. i'm only gonna do 50 for this post and i'll do another post with the last 50. i have to go get ready for a weekend DNOW event though so i have to stop. thanks for reading :) 

God's thumbnail

i was out late last night walking my dog around the block in hopes of getting a good "potty" before bedtime and i started looking up at the night sky. in my galileo moment, in the clear sky, i saw a ton of stars. but what intrigued me the most was the moon. usually full moons are my fave, but last night it was the thin sliver of the visible moon that caught my eye. 

ya know the one: when only a sliver of the moon is visible. my granny used to say it was God's thumbnail. but something so new hit me last night.

the moon was barely visible. literally, only a sliver was showing. but i still knew the moon was there. i knew the moon hadn't gotten smaller, just because i could only see a little bit of it. i didn't doubt the existence of the moon because i could barely see it. i didn't doubt the nature of the moon, just because it wasn't full. 

i couldn't see it in its entirety, but i was still awed by it. i still believed it had the capacity to be full. and i knew that my view of it couldn't change its properties. 

so this led me to think about God. 

i realized in that moment that so often i doubt God's goodness or His sovereignty when i can't see Him in all of His fullness and glory. sometimes i only see a sliver of God and sometimes that causes me to doubt different things. when i'm in a valley or a difficult situation, i can't see clearly. i can't see the full picture. sometimes i can't even see a sliver. but my prayer is that when i'm in those situations, that i will rest on what i do know: God is good. He loves me. and He is in control. He will work everything out for my good and His glory. though i can't see it, though i can't see Him fully, i know He is there in all of His fullness.

my view of Him can't change who He is. when His presence seems distant or His goodness seems to be but a sliver, somehow we need to rest in the promise of Immanuel. He is there. 

"Blessed are those who have not seen, yet believe."

- Jesus 

i hate white keys

Edith Sitwell once said "I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent."

wow. edith would not have liked me. in fact, had she been at one of my concerts, she surely would've left. because what i do on the piano is entirely for the incompetent.

i can't read music. those little black notes on sheet music scare me more than daddy longlegs running around without supervision.

so maybe you're wondering how i play piano then? well, for the first couple years of playing, i only played the black keys. and you'll see why.

i was performing at my university around the lunch hour one day in college. this politician came up to me and said he'd pay me to provide musical entertainment for his campaign party. he was running for senator or something like that. so being the hungry and poor college student that i was, i said yes. he said he enjoyed my voice and guitar playing.

that's why i was so stunned when i showed up at the campaign party and he asked me to play the piano. only. no singing, no guitar, no microphones. just the piano sitting in the middle of everything.

i could've said "sorry dude, i don't play the piano" but $200 was involved so i decided that maybe those few piano lessons i took when i was younger would miraculously re-surface.

i was sorely mistaken.

nervous, i sat down at the piano, which might as well have been an oboe. it was awkward and i didn't know how i was going to pull this off. but i'm so glad i did, because i learned how to play the piano that day.

i sat down and looked at said piano and decided that i would choose to play the black keys since they happened to be raised up, and also there were less of those keys. so i started playing the black keys.

for some reason, i chose to play every other black key. and i started noticing that i wasn't hitting any wrong notes. and the music kinda came naturally to me. so one note led to a chord and a chord led to a melody and before i knew it, i was somewhat playing this piano.

for some reason, i started playing "my heart will go on" impromptu-style. it just started coming out of my fingers and i was playing it. couldn't explain it. still can't. i guess that's why people call it a gift? cuz i sure didn't work at it. it just came to me. then i started playing other songs naturally, that i had remembered. for some reason they were 80s love songs. not sure how that happened, but i was just glad to be playing something and not getting fired and yelled at.

so i continue playing. did i mention i was asked to play for 2 hours? yes. 2 hours of totally winging it. but played i did. and faked it, i did.

something happened that was borderline miraculous as i sat there playing cheezy love songs. it came so natural to me. i felt the piano keys like i'd been playing for 15 years. i understood musically what was happening. and i knew what would happen if i played certain notes. so i kept playing and different songs would surface.

so for two hours i played some rendition of "my heart will go on" and "i can only imagine" sprinkled in there with other various and sundry musical classics. i fell in love with the piano in those moments. and i got paid for it. not a bad deal.

but surely i'd be found out! surely someone would see i was a fraud of a pianist and kick me out of the really nice hotel ballroom the party was held in. but no. it was just the opposite. in fact, at one point during the night, a man came up to me and said "i recognize that song." i was terrified he was going to say "why are you playing celine dion over and over again?" but instead he said, "ya, i know that song. isn't that a mozart piece?"

i snickered. and said, "of course it is. i'm awesome."

no, really, i told him i didn't know what i was playing. because i didn't. i was just letting my fingers create music and it was more natural than breathing. but still i only ventured on the black keys. with an occasional white key mistake.

that officially launched my budding piano career. i still mostly play on the black keys and i still can't read music. i dont want to. it stresses me out to think about all those little black notes staring at me from those white sheets of music.

hope you enjoyed the video. that really happened. i've learned not to rest a water bottle on the piano when i'm about to play it. pianos and water bottles do not pair well with one another. consider yourself warned.

so what can we learn from this story? God gives us different gifts for different reasons, even when we're not expecting it or asking for it. use your gifts. you have them for a very specific reason.

Hope Unlimited

in addition to LOVING compassion international, i also want to blog about another amazing ministry that has recently come to my attention. my incredible sister-in-law Erin is doing some work for them and she passed this info along to me and now i want to pass it along to you! She'll be visiting Brazil Jan. 30th, so stay tuned for more info on Hope Unlimited.

her message is below:

I am contacting you to let you know about an amazing ministry called Hope Unlimited for Children. The heart of this ministry for the past 17 years has been to rescue and transform the lives of thousands of homeless, orphaned street children in Brazil.

Just to give you a little background, it is estimated that there are up to 7 million children currently living on the streets of Brazil where their life expectancy is only 3 years. I was amazed by the testimony of one boy who said he lived on gum he picked off the sidewalk during his time on the streets. He and many others have been rescued from sure death when they were taken to one of Hope’s three facilities in the country that house up to 500 children per facility. These kids go through educational, emotional and relational rehabilitation that includes everything from marriage counseling to job training before they graduate. An astounding 70% of kids who go through the program are now in a home with a stable job, and attending church in their community.

Hope’s President, David Nowell has spent a lot of time in Brazil getting to know the kids and hearing their stories and testimonies of God’s faithfulness.

If you are interested in finding out more about this life-changing ministry, please let me know.


Hope Unlimited Video:




Hope Unlimited Website:

http://www.hopeunlimited.org/


More About Hope Unlimited

In the early 1990’s a growing number of children were living on the streets of Brazilian cities. Members of Brazilian local governments decided to do something about the problem by hiring off-duty law enforcement officers to go out, kill and bury these children by the hundreds. One official was even quoted as saying, “Bury them standing up so we will have enough room for them all.”

In 1991 an American missionary by the name of Jack Smith heard about what was happening to these children, so he and his son Phillip booked a flight to go down to Brazil and see what could be done to help. On their flight they met a man whose father was the CEO of a Brazilian orphanage that had just closed its doors. Before the plane landed, Jack and Phillip had the building where they would begin their project, Hope Unlimited for Children. Now, 17 years later, Hope continues its work with three facilities that house rescued street children, plus a newly donated preschool located near Campinas, Brazil that will become Hope’s Child Development Center.

Today it is estimated that 7 million children are living on the streets in Brazil, and while the problem seems daunting, Hope has begun the work of saving these children and giving them Hope, one life at a time. But removing a child from the street is only the first step on a long road to recovery.

Because the emotional and spiritual challenges these children face are so extreme due to the horrors of living on the streets, Hope takes a very holistic approach in their recovery, dealing with more than simple physical needs. The program is designed specifically for children suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), as most street children are, and it counters their pain and despair slowly through a system that educates, heals, restores dignity and equips them for the future with things like job training and even marriage counseling. Today, 70% of the kids who have graduated through Hope’s programs are employed, stable and attending church in their communities.

my granny = my hero

my granny is one of my best friends in the whole world. when I was little, I used to go stay with her and herbie and she would let me eat icecream and mac & cheese for every meal. we would laugh and play and watch movies and old tv shows. we had the best time over gallons of pralines and cream ice-cream. she spoiled me to the Nth degree and I was most fond of her. truth is, she is the most loving person I think I’ve ever met. she loves without condition and without an agenda. her love isn’t based on what a person looks like or acts like. she simply loves. it’s who she is. and she loved me deeply for many years and continues to love me even to this day.

granny suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. she has for several years now. though she gets confused as to where she is and who people are, she still loves. she is a relentless lover and though she might not know who I am anymore, she still looks at me with those eyes. those bright blue eyes. she always saw me with her heart, and no disease will change that. she is the epitome of beauty and grace. in her life, I see the truth of the scripture that tells us that God’s power is perfected in our weakness. she is weak, yes, but she is also one of the strongest women I know. she exudes the relentless love and tenderness of Christ.

recently, she was on the phone with my dad and an unforgettable conversation took place. granny doesn’t remember names and frankly, she has forgotten a great deal about life and reality. but sometimes she’ll have moments of clarity which show the vitality of her spirit. though her mind and body are weakening daily, she is being renewed inwardly and her spirit refreshed. the other day, my dad was talking to granny about various and sundry things, mostly unrelated to one another, and then it happened. the moment of clarity. granny all the sudden began speaking with such conviction and grace. she said, “I love God so much. I love Him so much. you know, I used to love a man who didn’t know God. But I know God and I love Him so much. And I know He loves me. and He is good. God has always been so good to me throughout my entire life. And I know that God loves me and that He is good.”

when my dad told me about this, I couldn’t hold back the tears. it was proof that a person’s spirit can be fully aware whose spirit is home to Jesus. with everything she doesn’t know anymore, she still knows the most important things in life: that God loves her and that He is good.

to me, this is what it all comes down to. if we don’t truly believe that God loves us, how can we love ourselves? and if we don’t love ourselves, how can we love others? for we know the Lord says to love one another as we love ourselves. and if we don’t ultimately believe God is good, how will we survive? our only means of survival is His goodness and sovereignty; knowing that He is always working everything together for our ultimate good and His ultimate glory. and my granny, old and gray and suffering from a debilitating disease knows the secret of contentment in this life: that God is good and that He loves us.

wow. deep breath. I still can’t get over this. what a revelation and what a beautiful thing to know, that my granny still knows the Truth and the Love of Christ no matter what.