in "letting go - part 1" i divulged some pretty intense stuff. like how these past 6 months have been about dying to self. dying to the obsession to be successful. dying to identities that are outside of who Christ has made me to be.
to recap: i'm walking through an incredible book by richard rohr called "simplicity" and God is rocking my world with it. in my previous blog i talked about the first of the three compulsions we have to let go of, according to richie. which is how i will fondly refer to him as from now on.
the second of the three is the compulsion to be right. ouch, this is a big one for me because i love to be right. i love to be theologically right, dogmatically right, and so on and so forth. basically, i think i have the right to be right.
i used to be so legalistic back in college. i'm still sometimes ashamed of those days. i knew i was right about, oh, say everything. and i knew everyone else was wrong. if you didn't believe how i did, you were dead to me. if you didn't hold to my same "right" beliefs, i considered you "lost." ugh. but how many of us do this continually everyday?
i remember i used to be so legalistic in my "rightness" that i never hesitated to tell people about how wrong they were. one of my sorority sisters in college drank coffee every morning. in my self-righteousness, i thought Jesus should be enough to wake oneself up in the morning. so when she walked into the dining room, i said point-blank "you always have coffee in the morning. is Jesus not enough?" ---- yep, not one of my finer moments. this is when Jesus would've probably looked at me and said "Get behind me satan. i love coffee too." what's funny is that i'm writing this blog with coffee in the passenger's seat on my couch.
so needless to say, i've come a long way. but there are still parts of me that need to die to this obsession with being right. sometimes we so badly want people to change and think like we think. we want them to see the right light as we have. but this is an obsession we must let go of.
richie writes:
"Many things in life cannot be changed; we can only grieve over them. So long as we are no longer under the compulsion of wanting to change them, we have the freedom to change them. Then the change comes from much greater depth - not from our anger, but from a place of integrity; not from a place where fear dwells, but from deep trust; not from a place where self-righteousness rules, but from wisdom."
not only has God uprooted that desire to be known and be successful in my career and ministry, He is walking me through the importance of letting go of always being right, having the right answers, and making sure other people were convinced i was right and in control. what's the common denominator in all that? ME. self-image. selfishness. again, i'm reminded i need to let go of me in order to find Jesus, who really makes me me anyway.
letting go of being right is really hard though, as i'm sure you are all well aware of. Jesus never commanded us to be right. i remember Him commanding us to love our enemies and love one another - even if we think the other person is wrong. oh but this can be so hard!
"When Jesus healed sick people, he always said 'Your faith has made you whole.' He never said, 'Your correct doctrine, your orthodoxy, your dogmatism have healed you.'" - richie
is doctrine important? absolutely. but not at the cost of failing to love others. it is truly amazing what happens when we have grace with ourselves. we naturally end up having grace for others. when i was the most rigid with others, i realized that it was because i was most rigid with myself. i didn't really love myself, thus i had a really hard time loving others. especially those who were different than me and believed different than me.
i still struggle with judgmentalism. what's ironic is that my latest battle has been to guard against being judgmental toward judgmental people. sounds like a riddle, but it's so true and difficult. i end up doing exactly what frustrates me in other people.
"The problem is precisely in the need to be right and the need to think of myself as right. That is the problem for the soul. I have to do my work and leave the judgment to God. I need to avoid the compulsion to be constantly passing judgment, because those constantly passing judgment are not in a position to honestly perceive their own reality." ouch richie. ouch.
but isn't it true?
so my challenge to you and myself is to choose Love instead of choosing to be right. i have to constantly remind myself to do this with others, as well as apply it to dealing with myself. i am my own worst enemy and my own worst critic. we must start being more gentle with ourselves, less rigid and more loving. so hopefully that will bleed onto those around us. and maybe we can change the world just a little bit through one simple act of love and service to others.
i challenge you to join me in praying this prayer:
"Jesus, help me love You, myself, and others as You have loved me. help me trust you. help me let go of my desire to be right."
love is the new right.
let go of being successful. 
