He Knows - story behind the song

SO sorry i haven't blogged in forever! that should give you some indication with how crazy my life has been. but no worries, i've learned how to say "no" and also how to delegate ministry tasks, thus my time will be freed up. here's a new post about the story behind a song i wrote called "he knows" - will be writing more, i promise :)

"He Knows"

I love my job. I think I might just have the best job in the world. Because the truth is, it’s not really even a job. I get to do what I love and what I’ve been called and created to do for a living. I get to travel across the country and occasionally the world and share the message and hope of Christ through music. Because I’m a worship leader, I get to lead for all different kinds of churches in all different kinds of places. However, one of my favorite things to do is to attend church services without leading. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting to do ministry at services, but rarely do I get to just sit in the congregation and sing in the background without being on stage. No one listening and no one watching. Just me singing on the back row. So when I do have the opportunity to attend, it’s special and refreshing. One particular Sunday morning I went to The Village Church in Dallas, TX. I had heard great things about this church and some of my friends went there, but I’d never had the chance to check it out for myself. For some odd reason (or God’s sovereignty), I had an open Sunday and I was in the Dallas area, so I went to visit. The time of worship through song was incredible and the message was amazing, as well. The pastor Matt Chandler was dynamic and definitely the kind of guy I could listen to for 45 minutes despite my major a.d.d tendencies.

He began preaching out of Hebrews 4 and instantly I was hooked and locked in. He began talking about how Jesus sympathizes with our weaknesses. He deconstructed the passage verse by verse and made a compelling case for the reality of the closeness of Immanuel. The first part of the passage goes like this: “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God who was tempted in every way as we are, yet was without sin.” I was so encouraged by the message because I have many weaknesses and at that time in my life I was feeling like I was alone in what I was going through. So often I get caught up in thinking I need to be strong and keep up the spiritual giant façade, despite my internal sufferings and struggles. But the truth is, that God’s power is perfected in our weakness, not our strength. I felt like God was speaking directly to me through the message. In the midst of trying to write down every word he said, I began to notice a song rising up in me. I was kind of bummed because I didn’t want to be distracted from the message, but God had other plans. Turns out His plans are way better anyway.

Then the pastor said something that hit me like a 2x4: “No matter how dark the trail goes, Jesus knows.” I heard the rhyme and I immediately had a melody and lyric in my head. I tried to shake it at first so I could continue focusing on his message, but it got the better of me. Unfortunately, when I get song ideas in the middle of sermons I have to pause my brain from listening to the rest of the message and I have to get out what’s in my head, otherwise I might lose it forever. So I began feverishly jotting down the lyrical thoughts that God was bringing to my mind on the church bulletin paper thingy. All I kept hearing over and over again was, “No matter how deep and dark the trail goes, He knows. No matter how lonely, lost and low, He knows.” The words were coming out fast and all I wanted was to sit down right then and there with my guitar or piano and write the song. But that definitely would’ve been awkward to walk up on stage and say, “Hang on Matt, I am enjoying your sermon and all but I need to write a song real quick. I just need about 30 seconds.” So I decided to hold it together and stay in my seat until the service was over.

As soon as people started filing out of the building, I went up to the stage and sat down at a beautiful baby grand piano (assuming I had divine permission, I suppose). The tune and melody came almost as quickly as the lyrics. It was as if the song had been completely handed to me, in full, from the Lord. I immediately connected with the lyrics because they so closely represented what I had been going through in that particular season in my life. The Lord was taking me through a beautiful transformation where He was showing me that I was not alone and had never been alone.

When I got the lyrics and melody down, I left the church and immediately started performing this new song at concerts and other ministry events. Eventually, I was able to record it on my latest project. The Lord even provided a way for me to record a music video for the song, which was hilariously fun and out of my comfort zone. It turned out to be an excellent ministry tool, but talk about weakness, I am so not a rockstar or a diva, so making music videos is not my gifting. Plus, in the video, I have on way too much lipstick. I was told it would be necessary because of the camera and lighting and such. But here’s the thing about me: I would rather eat glass chips than wear lipstick. I enjoy a simple gloss, but I digress…

So in my personal relationship with Him, the Lord kept teaching me the importance of weakness and surrender. He was growing deep inside me the passion for authenticity. For too long, I had been fake. I tried to be someone I wasn’t, and it was exhausting. I always thought since I was in full-time ministry that I had to act like I had it all together. I thought I had to be all super-spiritual. But then I realized that God never called us to be strong in our own strength. He called us to be real in our weaknesses. In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, he tells us that God’s power is actually perfected in our weaknesses, because when we are weak, HE is strong and HE gets all the glory due His name. I wanted so badly to boast in my weakness, though I had no idea what that really looked like in reality. I realized that even when I feel like no one else understands what I’m going through, Jesus knows. Even when my parents and closest friends can’t completely sympathize with me, Jesus can. He knows the ins and outs of every bit of pain and He is intimately concerned about every detail of my life. He’s been there. He knows pain. He felt the deepest of pain on the cross. He knows triumph. He felt the victory when He rose from the dead. He knows hope in the midst of adversity. He is the one who for the joy and hope set before Him, endured the cross. He knows humility. He is the King of Kings born in a feeding trough. And He knows love. He is the Unconditional Lover who first loved us and taught us how to love.

The bottom line is that Jesus knows. Right now, on this day, as you’re reading this, God knows exactly what’s going on. He is the Alpha and Omega of all things and He sees the beginning and end of your particular situation. He already knows how He’s going to get you through this pain and He knows what you’re going through. He is the God who grieves with you. He is the Savior who sympathizes. He is the King who cares deeply for you. He is the Healer who will hold you broken heart and give you a new, whole one. May we never forget that Jesus sympathizes with all of our weaknesses, trials and pain. I love the advice and encouragement found at the end of Hebrews 4: “Therefore, let us draw near to the throne of grace with confidence so that we might find mercy and help in our time of need.” So often, we tend to run away from God when hardships come. Think of Adam and Eve. The first thing they did when they realized they had sinned was to take off running. Of course, God knew where they were the whole time, but they tried to run from Him. They went and hid. But God is calling us to come out of hiding. He is calling us to run toward Him instead of away from Him, no matter what the cause of running might be. We can throw ourselves on His throne for His is safe and trustworthy. He loves without condition and His love doesn’t change based on what we do or don’t do. When the valleys gets deeper and the roads get bumpier, that’s the time when we should run as fast as we can to the Lord for He Himself is our Peace. And when we meet with Him in that secret place, He will remind us that He is in the process of working all things (the good, the bad, and the ugly) together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).

We all have times of need. We are all in need of mercy and help. Instead of running away from the Lord in our toughest of times, let’s run to Him. I wrote this song as an encouragement to people who feel like they’re all alone and that no one knows what they’re truly going through. Take heart, He knows. He’s been there and He’s there with you now. He’s holding you and He’s ready to meet you where you are.