scary blood pressure man

so there i was at HEB getting some groceries when i walked down a toiletry aisle. it was the same aisle as occupied by the people who sit in those chairs and stick their arms in the tube thingee that tightens your arm to get your blood pressure reading.

i hate those things because they always hurt my arm and i dont enjoy feeling my heart beat in my upper arm. it's also awkward because people stare at you. but i didn't pay any attention to it because i was there for my mission: toilet paper.

but then i hear a voice from an older gentlemen who actually looked alot like the dude in this picture. minus the tape side-burns. not really sure what that's all about. and i'm pretty sure he didn't have a pocket protector. anyway... out of no where i hear, "hey lady! you're messing up my blood pressure reading!"

i look around, hoping desperately he's not talking to me. but i was the only one around. it was as if everyone at that moment had been raptured, and i was left behind with blood pressure man. so he's clearly talking to me. i look at him and confusingly say, "excuse me?"

he says again, but louder, "you're messing up my blood pressure reading! it's not accurate!"

then finally i begin to realize this is maybe a horrible excuse for a compliment. 

so i say politely, "and why is that sir? why am i messing up the reading?" - and by this i really meant to say (but i kept it inside thanks to my filter): "broseph, if you're hitting on me, you've got another thing coming. at least stand up and get your arm out of that tight tube and face me like a real man" but i didn't say all that. i sheepishly retreated deeper into the toilet paper aisle. 

but he answered my question, with a very bazaar answer:

"welp, it's cuz you're just so handsome." in my mind i'm thinking, really? handsome? no, because dr. mcdreamy is handsome. i am... well... at least call me pretty! i'm a woman for God's sake! 

but the word kept ringing in my ear. handsome. really? i mean, i know i'm wearing a tshirt and my make-up is from this morning and i didn't straighten my hair, but handsome? at least say pretty!

luckily at that time, my dad walks up. (sidenote: me, mom and dad had a dinner/movie date tonight... normally i dont grocery shop with my parents, i'm just saying...)

so i tell the man, "yeah, you probably shouldn't say stuff like that especially in front of my father." and the man looks puzzled but didn't skip a beat and answered, while turning blue because i think he forgot to turn the stupid machine off, "oh! that's your dad? i thought that was your brother!"

i mean really, dude, are you planning on hitting on the whole family? 

then mom walks up and he says, "oh and i guess this is your sister!"

mom, dad, and me quickly grabbed the toilet paper and ran as far away from scary blood pressure man as possible. it was definitely one of those memorable family moments. one for the scrapbook. 

seriously? who does that? what have we learned here people:

1. don't use those blood pressure machines, they're scary and they eat your arm

2. if you do use said machine, don't stalk the girl in the aisle next you

3. don't call a girl handsome. it's just rude

4. don't flirt with the girl's parents when your flirting attempts with her fail miserably

5. buy toilet paper at sams. they dont have those horrible machines.