pilates/yoga background vocals

so there i was... in pain, in utter embarrassment, in disbelief. why was i there? why was i allowing someone to tell me how to twist my body in ways it was never intended to twist? was this a modern day twister game for adults? why does everyone else say this is so great and why does no one else look like they're about to die from sheer pain and discomfort.

i went to a yoga/pilates class today.

i even went to target and bought a yoga mat. as if i even knew what one looked like. i asked someone and they took me on a tour of the yoga aisle. i picked out the cheapest one and headed to the check out counter. i felt so cool. until i actually went to the class.

one of the worst decisions of my life. i've always liked the idea of yoga. it's alot like running. i so long to run but i can't and it just plain hurts. in fact, i don't run unless i'm being chased. so i decided, well maybe i'll try yoga. how hard can it really be? sure, i can't touch my toes, but oh well! i'll probably be good at it.

no, i'm horrible. i was the worst in the class. for the betterment of everyone's life, the instructor should've kicked me out. not only did i look like an awkward ape trapped in a tennis ball, but my face winced in pain with each new position. down dog? really? more like ouch dog. more like "where is the basketball court? why am i trying to touch my nose to my heels?" 

then she asked us to do a back bend. ya right. i elected not to tell her that i was basically asked to leave gymnastics when i was younger because i was the only kid in the class that couldn't master the back bend. all the memories came rushing back. my eyes welled up with tears. not because of the awful memories, but because literally my hamstrings were revolting against me. i was the only one who didn't try the backbend. and i had no shame. i wasn't scared. i was born to look silly like this. i happened to like offering a spectacle for all to look at. the other people in the class were slightly entertained. 

it reminded me of when i was forced to take a ballet class in college. mandatory attire: leotard. i'm not kidding. it was humiliating. i almost failed.

so then, just when i thought it couldn't get any worse, the instructor started singing along with the music. i've had instructors do this before, but typically only one word would slip out and usually they were on  key. not this gal. nope. couldn't carry a tune in a coach purse with a hypoallergenic dog in it. and she was singing and didn't stop. then on the 3rd song she actually tried harmonizing with the track. she knew no shame. i realized we weren't that different. there i was trying to be a yoga expert and there she was trying to sing. it was a perfect picture of how fun it is to try new things. but it was painful to listen to. and needless to say, i'm sure i was painful to look at. she's probably blogging about me right now. who knows!

but it was a blast. well, by that i mean, the "blast" part was when i got home and threw my brand new yoga mat in the trash can. good thing trash day is tomorrow. 

yoga = not fun for me

but i just might persevere because i know flexibility is important. and i still love the idea of being a yoga girl. here's to you, background vocal singing yoga instructor! maybe i'll come back to your class. also, i might just hire you to sing bgv's for me. only if you let me shadow your class someday. it could be a match made in heaven.